{"id":1148,"date":"2020-03-18T21:56:44","date_gmt":"2020-03-18T21:56:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/rocksolidbizdevelopment.com\/ourblog\/?p=1148"},"modified":"2025-07-01T17:20:22","modified_gmt":"2025-07-01T17:20:22","slug":"the-whole-concept-of-negotiating-is-intimidating-to-many-people","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/rocksolidbizdevelopment.com\/ourblog\/the-whole-concept-of-negotiating-is-intimidating-to-many-people\/","title":{"rendered":"&#8220;The whole concept of negotiating is intimidating to many people.&#8221;"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Chris\nVoss is an author, speaker, and businessman.&nbsp;\nBut prior to that, he was an FBI agent for 24 years, most of that time\nworking as a hostage negotiator.&nbsp; While\ndoing that work, he noticed that the skills needed to negotiate with kidnappers\nand terrorists weren\u2019t all that different from the skills business people need\nto negotiate with bankers, suppliers, purchasing agents, and the like.&nbsp; In fact, he points out that all of us are\ninvolved in negotiations every day.&nbsp;\nAnytime a conversation begins with \u201cI need . . . \u201c or \u201cI want . . . \u201c, a\nnegotiation is underway.&nbsp; We negotiate\nwith our employees about compensation or about deadlines for projects they are\nworking on.&nbsp; We negotiate with friends\nabout where we\u2019ll meet for dinner.&nbsp; We\nnegotiate with hotel clerks about upgrading our rooms.&nbsp; We negotiate with our kids about what they\ncan watch on television and when they need to be in bed.&nbsp; The list goes on and on.&nbsp; So in a very real way, the art of negotiation\nis a life skill . . . one that will serve us well if we learn it and practice\nit.&nbsp; If you want a few tips on how to\nconduct a successful negotiation, please continue reading below.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;<strong>The whole concept of negotiating is intimidating to many people.<\/strong>&#8221;\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;<em>~ Leigh Steinberg, American sports agent<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Steinberg is right.&nbsp; Many people see negotiating as a zero-sum\ngame . . . you can only win if the other guy loses.&nbsp; And some negotiators play it that way.&nbsp; However, the best negotiators . . . the most\nprofessional negotiators . . . are looking for a win-win result.&nbsp; They expect to walk away from the negotiation\nwith something they want, but they also expect the other guy to walk away with\nsomething of value.&nbsp; And there\u2019s a good\nreason for that.&nbsp; If you leave a\nnegotiation with everyone feeling that it was done fairly and honorably, the\nnext time you sit across the table from one another (and there probably will be\na next time), the negotiation will go more smoothly because now there\u2019s an\nelement of trust between you.&nbsp; On the\nother hand, if you really stick it to your opponent, the next time you meet, he\nwill do his best to return the favor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here are some tips from Chris Voss on how to be\na better negotiator.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul><li>The amygdala is that part of\nour brain that controls our emotional responses, and 75% of it is dedicated to\nnegative thought.&nbsp; Back in our caveman\ndays, skepticism about things happening around us is what kept us alive.&nbsp; Now, while we don\u2019t have to worry about becoming\nlunch for some wild animal anymore, our brain is still equipped with a lot of\ndefensive, negative thought.&nbsp; So we tend\nto approach a negotiation with caution, suspicious that the other side wants to\ntake advantage of us and will somehow maneuver us into a bad deal.&nbsp; To combat this, look for ways to get the\nnegotiation onto a positive track by demonstrating that your intentions are\nhonorable and that you\u2019re not trying to take advantage of anybody.&nbsp; Look for signs that the other side is\nreciprocating by trying to demonstrate their good intentions.&nbsp; That\u2019s not to say that either side is going\nto give away the store, only that the negotiators will act in good faith and\ntry to strike a deal that is fair and equitable to both sides.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul><li>Repeat key words and phrases used by the\nother side.&nbsp; This does a couple of\nthings.&nbsp; First, it demonstrates that you\u2019re\nlistening, paying attention.&nbsp; Second, it\ngets any misunderstandings on the table earlier rather than later.&nbsp; It gives the other side a chance to say, \u201cNo,\nthat\u2019s not what we meant.&nbsp; What we meant\nwas . . . \u201c&nbsp; It doesn\u2019t mean you agree\nwith what the other side was saying, only that you heard and understood what\nthey were saying correctly.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul><li>Avoid using the word, \u201cWhy?\u201d&nbsp; It puts people in a defensive position\nrequiring them to explain and justify their position.&nbsp; Instead, ask clarifying questions to get at \u201cWhy?\u201d\nwithout actually using the word.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul><li>At stake in every negotiation is\ntime.&nbsp; You don\u2019t want to get bogged down\nin a negotiation that wastes a lot of time and never goes anywhere.&nbsp; Learn to avoid what Voss calls, \u201cFake deals.\u201d&nbsp; He\u2019s talking about \u201cdeals\u201d that the other\nside has no intention of ever concluding.&nbsp;\nThey may be asking you for a competitive bid to use as leverage against\ntheir current vendor, or they may be looking for intelligence about your\nindustry, or they may just want to pick your brain and get a little free consulting.&nbsp; <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul><li>Don\u2019t burn bridges.&nbsp; Sometimes, you may become involved in a\nnegotiation that it taking too long or is going in a direction you don\u2019t want\nto go.&nbsp; How do you extricate yourself\nfrom the situation without ruining relationships?&nbsp; Voss suggests the language below.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cYou\u2019re not going to like this, but this isn\u2019t working for me.\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry, but I\u2019m afraid I can\u2019t do this anymore.\u00a0 And my problem here has been that I like you  . . . I\u2019ve always liked you.\u00a0 The stuff we\u2019ve done together successfully has been phenomenal, and I would like nothing better, at some point in the future, than to get back to doing those things together.\u00a0 But for right now, in order to preserve the memories of the good things we\u2019ve done, I\u2019m out . . . now.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The language leaves no doubt that he\u2019s finished with\nthe current situation, but does it in a way that values the relationship, and\nholds the door open for future collaborations.&nbsp;\nPretty slick.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Chris Voss is an author, speaker, and businessman.&nbsp; But prior to that, he was an FBI agent for 24 years, most of that time working as a hostage negotiator.&nbsp; While doing that work, he noticed that the skills needed to negotiate with kidnappers and terrorists weren\u2019t all that different from the skills business people need<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/rocksolidbizdevelopment.com\/ourblog\/the-whole-concept-of-negotiating-is-intimidating-to-many-people\/\">Read More\u2026<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[39,36,34,26,22],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/rocksolidbizdevelopment.com\/ourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1148"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/rocksolidbizdevelopment.com\/ourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/rocksolidbizdevelopment.com\/ourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rocksolidbizdevelopment.com\/ourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rocksolidbizdevelopment.com\/ourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1148"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/rocksolidbizdevelopment.com\/ourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1148\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1149,"href":"https:\/\/rocksolidbizdevelopment.com\/ourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1148\/revisions\/1149"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/rocksolidbizdevelopment.com\/ourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1148"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rocksolidbizdevelopment.com\/ourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1148"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rocksolidbizdevelopment.com\/ourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1148"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}